What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
