omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
