If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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