OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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