If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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