were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
