Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
