I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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