Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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