We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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