just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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