how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
