only you would photoshop your dick
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
