I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
