she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
