Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
