Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
