just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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