im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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