I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
