she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
