i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
