This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
