Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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