I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
