i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
