all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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