These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
