Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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