I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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