I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
