Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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