im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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