This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
