Capitaan dildo arrescate!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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