I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I smell stomach acid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
