why didn't you poke me back
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
