if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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