Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
