I wish I only lived at night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
