They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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