I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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