hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish i was in the wii world.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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