But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
