this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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