man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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