remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
false alarm, still single
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
