I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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