I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
