I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
