Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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