So drunk its hurt
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
