my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
